Create a "meaningful network" to increase your influence

The relationships that change your life rarely begin with a pitch. They begin with care. When I look back at the most pivotal turns in my career, they did not come from a cold message that hit my inbox at the perfect time. They came from people I respected who kept showing up, who offered help without a hidden agenda, and who trusted me enough to ask for help in return. That is what a meaningful network looks like. It is a circle of people you genuinely care about who care about you, and it is the single most durable advantage you can build as a founder.

Most of us recoil at the word networking because we have seen the performance version. The forced small talk. The farming of business cards. The midnight messages that pretend to be friendly but are really a soft pitch. The fix is not a better script. The fix is a different goal. You are not collecting names. You are building a circle where reciprocity is natural and where your default is to create value for others first. When you move with that intention, the same rooms and the same platforms feel very different.

I think of relationships as concentric circles that develop over time. On the outside is the Unfamiliar circle, the people you have not met. Closer in sits the Familiar circle, where you have names, faces, and a warm hello. Inside that is your Intimate circle, where understanding and trust are forming. At the center is the Meaningful circle, where you invest in the other person’s success and they invest in yours. Your job is not to skip to the center. Your job is to welcome people inward with care and consistency.

Some founders are natural at first contact. Many of us are not. I used to avoid introducing myself unless someone made it impossibly easy. I told myself I was respecting their time. The truth was that I was avoiding discomfort. If that sounds familiar, start smaller. Warmth travels further than wit. People remember how you made them feel more than the exact words you used.

Begin with presence. Open your posture. Put your phone away. Let your face show you are happy to be there. A calm tone and steady pace signal safety. If you are in a noisy room in KL or a packed demo day in Riyadh, it helps to ground yourself before you approach anyone. Two slow breaths. Shoulders back. Chin up. Then lead with something human that anchors the moment. Not a pitch. Something like, I loved that question you asked about retention, or I recognised your logo from the accelerator newsletter, or Your team’s booth has the most curious crowd. I had to stop by.

Invite a short exchange, then close it with kindness rather than letting it drag. A minute can be enough. Thank them by name. Say what you enjoyed about the chat. Suggest a light next step only if it is natural. If not, leave it with a warm, See you around today. People remember a graceful exit. They also remember when someone listens, not just waits to speak.

Remembering names is a skill, not a genetic gift. Catch the name the first time. If you miss it, ask again. Use it once or twice in the conversation to lock it in. Build a quick association in your mind. It feels silly at first. It works. If you forget later, be honest and fix it. I am sorry, remind me of your name. It is better than faking it and withdrawing.

There is one more thing that accelerates the Unfamiliar to Familiar move. Follow up while the feeling is still warm. Send one message that is about them, not you. A link to an article that expands on the topic you discussed. A short note that says, Your point about onboarding stuck with me and here is why. Do not overthink the wording. Think about being useful.

The next circle requires curiosity and courage. Curiosity, because you need to learn how the other person thinks and what they are trying to build. Courage, because you need to leave the comfort of small talk. Most founders fall into one of two traps here. They either perform their own highlight reel or they keep things pleasant and shallow. Both approaches keep you stuck in the Familiar circle.

Treat conversations like a chance to understand, not to impress. Ask about their work in a way that helps them feel seen. What are you solving that most people on the outside still misunderstand. If you had one lever to pull to double your progress this quarter, what would it be. What does failure look like in your role, and how do you avoid it. These questions open doors. If you are afraid of looking uninformed, you will miss the best stories. Admit what you do not know and ask for a primer. People rarely judge you for that. They usually lean in.

Avoid the interrogation tone. Share enough of your own context to build a bridge, then steer the spotlight back to them. The goal is not a perfect balance of airtime. The goal is connection. Over time, bring texture. Refer to something they mentioned the last time. You said your Saudi pilot was stuck on legal review. How did that resolve. That tells them you were paying attention. It also moves the relationship from pleasant to real.

There is a quiet benefit to this approach. As you learn how different people operate, your own thinking sharpens. Patterns appear. You become more interesting because you carry more stories that are grounded in reality, not theory. Founders in Singapore who figured out procurement in regulated sectors. Operators in Jeddah who scaled cash-based customers into digital flows. Recruiters who have a sixth sense for what a team actually needs. The more you listen, the more your map improves.

The center circle has one rule. You must do something important for the other person. Not grand gestures. Not performative generosity. Something that makes a difference in their work or their life at the right time. That usually looks like sharing knowledge, making a connection, or offering support when it is least crowded.

Sharing knowledge is simple to start and powerful over time. When you come across an insight that could help, send it with a sentence about why it matters to them. Do not flood their inbox. Aim for relevant and rare. A founder stepping into a new role might appreciate a book with a note inside that says, Chapter two saved me from a mistake I was about to repeat. A product lead wrestling with pricing might benefit from a short voice note about what finally worked for your team and why.

Connections compound your impact. Think of your network as a set of bridges that you can build between people who would not find each other on their own. This is not about collecting famous names. It is about pairing context. A fintech operator in Penang who cracked KYC for blue collar workers can help a Gulf startup planning to serve migrant remittances. An alumni officer at your university in Singapore might know ten people who would love to meet a founder returning from San Francisco. A recruiter you trust can be a lifeline for a friend who just left a company. When you make these introductions, frame the reason clearly, then step back. Let them decide how to proceed.

Support is the part people remember forever. Congratulatory messages pour in when the funding round is announced. Silence follows when a deal falls through or a team member quits. Decide in advance that you will be the friend who shows up when it is not glamorous. Send a simple note. Offer a listening ear. Share three introductions that could create momentum. Take someone for teh tarik after a tough week and remind them that this season will not last. You do not need the perfect words. You need presence.

A few years ago, I joined a weekend conditioning class in PJ to get my head out of fundraising. The instructor ran it like a small business. Clear setup, strong delivery, good energy. After class, I introduced myself and asked about his model. He had just started a content studio on the side. We chatted again the next week. Then our partners joined us for kopi and the conversation widened. A month later, I needed a small shoot to explain a product pivot to our customers. I hired his team. Later that quarter he asked for feedback on a pricing idea and I shared what we had learned the hard way. When his book launched, I hosted a small session for founders who cared about fitness and discipline. None of this was planned at the first hello. We simply kept looking for ways to be useful to each other. That relationship moved from Unfamiliar to Familiar to Intimate to Meaningful because it was built on real help, not hidden asks.

Every ecosystem has its own rhythm. In Malaysia, relationships often deepen through repeated light touches before the first ask. WhatsApp and casual meetups carry a lot of the load. In Singapore, people respect clarity and preparation. A tight message with a specific question earns attention. In Saudi, hospitality matters and trust is personal. Investing time in shared meals and introductions through respected connectors opens doors that cold outreach will not. The principle is the same. Lead with care. Adapt the surface to the local norm.

Recruiters sit at useful junctions in every city. Treat them like partners, not vending machines. Share candidates when you can. Send context that helps them place people well. Alumni officers, industry journalists, and community builders are also powerful connectors. If you bring them good people and good energy, they will remember you when an opportunity needs the right home.

Social platforms can work if you treat them as a way to enrich your circle rather than to posture. Share practical insights. Signal what you are curious about. Celebrate the wins of people you admire. Skip the vanity. The people you want in your Meaningful circle can smell performative content. They will engage with substance.

The foundation of an effective network is simple. You are doing this because you genuinely want to know, appreciate, and help other people. Not to collect favors in a ledger. Not to engineer influence. When that is your posture, something interesting happens over time. The relationships you invest in begin to germinate. A connection from two years ago surfaces with an idea that fits your new phase. Someone you encouraged during a hard season becomes a champion when you least expect it. These arcs are unpredictable. They are also reliable if you keep showing up.

If you are early in your journey, start with one move this week. Pick someone in your Familiar circle and ask a question that matters. Pick someone in your Intimate circle and do something small that makes their road easier. Pick someone you have not met and cross the room with warmth, not a pitch. That is it. Keep repeating that sequence. The circle will tighten. The center will grow.

Here is how it feels when you are operating from the center. You know what the other person is building and why it matters to them. You do not worry about keeping score because the value flows in both directions across seasons. You can ask for help without dressing it up. You can offer help without expecting a return. You celebrate each other’s wins without envy because you were there for the unglamorous parts. The relationship can hold honest feedback. It can also hold silence.

Call it a network if you like. I prefer to call it a circle. A circle of people you will go out of your way for, and who will do the same for you. For founders, this is not optional. It is the infrastructure beneath every major leap you will make. The capital will come and go. The markets will turn. The right circle will keep opening doors that you could not even see from the outside.

If you remember nothing else, remember this. Lead with care. Ask better questions. Do something important for someone before you need anything. That is how you build meaningful networks for founders. That is how you build a career and a life that you are proud to live.